(Reprinted in the Albatross, Vol. 38, No. 1 September – October 1992,

with permission from the American Birding Association)

 Pelagic Pushups

by Brenda & Bruce Barrett
(with various rude comments from Rod Norden)

Birding is an active hobby that can proudly hold its own with most other forms of physical exercise – right? Well, sometimes. On the positive side there are those long neck-twisting walks through warbler infested woods, those survival marches down Arizona canyons in brain-cooking 100+ degree temperatures, those muscle­ wrenching treks along soft sandy beaches, and those competitive big days full of energy and hard work –  then there are pelagics. How can the health conscious birder manage to keep in shape when trapped at sea for hours, confined to a small rolling bathtub? Here are a few suggested exercises that came to mind during a recent  seventeen-hour adventure into the Pacific.

 Mad Dash Astern: While standing at the bow (the sharp end of the boat) pretend that someone
has just shouted "Streaked Shearwater in the wake.” The rapid transition from bow to stern, (the
blunt end) can be quite exciting, especially when the seas are high, and often has the extra benefit
of bringing back to life anyone lethargically resting in the cabin. Of course, when there actually is a Streaked Shearwater in the wake the best plan is to already be standing at the stern!

 Student Body Starboard: When the main body of birders is enjoying say a Cassin's Auklet off
the port side, clearly announce "Cook's Petrel on the water off the starboard side." The exercise is
then to get back over to the port side against the flow of traffic. It has the added advantage that
when they discover that your Cook's Petrel was in fact just a passing plastic cup, you are as far away as possible.

 Student Body Oscillate: This is a variation on Student Body Starboard when, having arrived at
the port side, you re-identify the Cassin's Auklet as a Parakeet Auklet – thus causing the plastic
cup watchers rapidly to return. This exercise can be continued indefinitely depending on the IQ of
your fellow birders and how soon the boat capsizes.

 Three-point Contact: As most pelagic leaders will advise you, it is important to maintain at least
three points of contact with the vessel at all times. One interesting exercise is rapidly to change
which three points are actually in contact with the boat: left hand, right hand, left foot, right foot, left knee, right knee, gluteus maximus, head, etc. The boat sometimes gets into the swing of things by moving in a way that further encourages you to change your points of contact.

 Calamari Toss: Standing at the very back of the boat try to hit the attendant gulls with pieces of sectioned squid or fish. Apart from the interesting impact that the sight of fish guts has on the
psyche, the stern is also usually the place where the remnant population of smokers is required to
stay. The net impact is often even more calamari tossing.

 Binocular Lift: Stand at the bow and every fifty seconds quickly lift your binoculars to your eyes
and intently peer out to sea holding the position for a count of ten. This not only improves the
muscle tone in your arms but usually induces other birders in the area to raise their own glasses
in anticipation. With any luck someone may actually find a bird.

 Cabin Hovering: This exercise is best played when the sun is close to setting during the trip
back to harbor. It involves staying near enough to the cabin to ensure that the last warm padded
seat has not been taken, while staying close to the door and ready to play Mad Dash Astern should the Streaked Shearwater show up, and ends when you judge the number of vacant seats to have reached a critical minimum. The alternative is to sit outside in the dark and do a little pelagic owling.